


My Love for You is Deathless

by slugbuggie



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kingdom Come AU, gwen is only there for a total of like two seconds, merlin: kingdom come, sort of modern au execpt it doesn't matter that much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slugbuggie/pseuds/slugbuggie
Summary: “Merlin, you know I’m not going anywhere-”“No, I don’t know that!”Or, Merlin and Morgana learning to love again following the second coming and Morgana's redemption.
Relationships: Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60





	My Love for You is Deathless

**Author's Note:**

> So modern au post Morgana redemption arc. You could fit it in after the events of Kingdom Come, but it doesn't really have to do with the plot of that, what's important is that Morgana = good and Merlin = sad and immortal.

Merlin strode cheerfully down the hall in the dim light, pleased with the evening of conversation he’d had with Arthur, and with the lightness that flowed through the halls of the castle following their victory several days before. He began to hum a song as he walked, one he didn’t quite remember the words to, when he passed Morgana’s chambers. The door was cracked open. He narrowed his eyes and stalked back toward the frame of the door, ready to burst in, until he heard laughing from inside the room. He took another step and craned his neck to peer inside when the door flew all the way open and Gwen appeared in the doorway, smiling brightly over her shoulder. It wasn’t until she turned her head forward that she noticed the sorcerer before her, and she jumped in surprise when she faced him. 

“Merlin!”

“Gwen!” Merlin replied with almost equal surprise. 

“What are you doing?” she asked suspiciously. Merlin fumbled with his words as Morgana came over to the door. She smiled at him, amused, which only flustered him further. 

“The door was open,” he finally managed to say. 

“I was just dropping by for a moment,” Gwen assured him. “No danger here.”

“Thank you for checking, Merlin,” Morgana added. Gwen smiled and nodded, sensing the awkwardness as she glanced between her two friends. 

“Well, goodnight, Morgana.”

“Goodnight, Gwen.” Morgana turned to Merlin as the other woman left, raising an eyebrow. “Would you like to come in?” 

“Oh, I was just checking to make sure you were okay, there’s no need-“  _ Slow down, Merlin. _ He took a nervous breath, but when he looked up, Morgana was smiling. “Yes, yes I would like to come in.” 

The two sorcerers exchanged glances as Merlin moved past Morgana to enter her chambers. She shut the door behind him and offered a seat at her table, at the head, and pulled a chair just to his right. Eyes flashing gold, she moved the fruit bowl closer, as well as the water jug and two goblets. Merlin was filled with a strange sadness as he watched her freely use her magic, wondering if perhaps it could have been this way fifteen-hundred years ago if he had disobeyed Gaius and told Morgana his secret. He tried to shake off the thought. What was the point? Morgana was here now, he’d done the right thing this time around, there was no way to change the past. Their relationship now was something he’d only dreamed of so many centuries ago, before her fall, and it had been so nice the last few days, if not a little bit awkward. He blamed it on the fact that they’d fallen for each other in wartime, and simply didn’t know how to function together in times of peace. Merlin was probably largely to blame. For him, the last fifteen-hundred years had been wartime, inside his mind and out. Somehow, when death was imminent it felt easier to be honest about one’s feelings, but now, with their lives no longer at stake, it felt as if so many more things were.

“You’ve been acting strange these past few days,” Morgana interrupted Merlin’s rambling, anxious thoughts. 

“I’m sorry,” Merlin sputtered immediately. 

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” Morgana said gently. “I want you to talk to me about what’s going on. Are you no longer interested in being with me?” Merlin’s head shot up in surprise and he shook his head. “It’s alright if you are,” Morgana tried to assure him. “I understand. And I’ll be okay, I’m not quite as... well, unstable. It’s really okay, Merlin.” Merlin continued to shake his head and reached across the corner of the table to take Morgana’s hands. Her fingers, graceful and pale, were trembling. He ran his thumbs along her knuckles, his fingertips brushed the callouses on the bottoms of her hands, formed over years of wielding a sword.

“Of course I want to be with you, I just…” He stared at the table, at their joint hands. They trembled together.

“What?” Morgana murmured.

“I don’t know how.” He looked up and caught her eyes, caught the frown that fell across her brow.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I- Well, I-” What could he say? He wanted to be with her, more than anything, but even he couldn’t explain what was holding him back. He’d never felt the weight of… well,  _ everything _ off of his chest, and he had no idea how to love someone without an end in sight. Love? Did he love her? He’d loved before. He loved and loved and always he would be left heartbroken and alone. Merlin had learned the truth over the years, that time alone was love’s greatest enemy. Everyone ran out of time, everyone except Merlin.

“Tell me, Merlin,” Morgana gently urged, squeezing his fingers. He looked up at her again, ever lingering on the bright green of her eyes. Suddenly overcome with an urge, the sorcerer reached up to graze his hand lightly over the side of Morgana’s face, watching in awe as the lovely sorceress blinked slowly and leaned toward his gentle fingers. Without warning, Merlin could feel his throat begin to burn and close, and his eyes filled with tears.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. Morgana, wide-eyed, looked as surprised by his sudden breakdown as he was feeling.

“Merlin…” Tears dripped onto the table and Merlin pulled his hands away from Morgana to wrap his arms around himself. “Merlin,” Morgana pleaded again. She started to reach toward him, then pulled back, unsure. Finally, she settled on scooting her chair closer and resting a hand on Merlin’s knee, rubbing gentle circles in the fabric of his pants. He cried harder when she touched him, but didn’t look up. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” he sobbed loudly, his raw voice echoing through the room. The quiet that lingered after the volume of his voice hurt nearly as much as the sound of his sobs, as it hung heavily in the room, too thick to be a normal silence. His outburst made him hug himself even tighter than before, and his shoulders trembled violently.

“Merlin, you know I’m not going anywhere-”

“No, I don’t know that!” His voice was harsh, filled with the pain of many, many lost loves. “I don’t know, you don’t know, we can’t know what will happen-”

“Merlin.” Morgana’s voice was as tender as her fingers when she reached up to tip Merlin’s face toward hers. For a fraction of a second, she could see him wanting to lean into her touch, to accept her comfort, but he pulled back before she could speak again.

“I’m sorry,” he sniffed. “I’m sorry for getting upset, but you don’t know what it’s like to-” His voice broke, and it brought tears to Morgana’s eyes to see him in such pain. He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself, and to Morgana’s relief, accepted her hand when she offered it. “I’ve lost so many people, Morgana. This won’t be different. I know you’ve seen death, I hate that you’ve had to lose your loved ones too, but you can’t know what it’s like to be left alone time and time again-” He broke down completely, sobs wracking his body, which now looked so frail in the dim light. Thankfully, he allowed Morgana to take his hands in hers. When she ran her thumbs over his knuckles the way he had done to her, he squeezed her fingers in acknowledgment. Slowly, testing the waters, Morgana scooted forward and wrapped her arms around Merlin’s shoulders, tucking him against her body as best she could despite her smaller stature. She expected him to slink away when she got too close, but when she hugged him he melted into her. He bent, wrapped his arms around her waist, rested the side of his head against her chest and let himself sob, and somehow, though it broke Morgana’s heart to see just how much pain he was in, the knowledge that she could be trusted with this vulnerable state glued it right back together again.

She let them stay that way for a long time, allowing Merlin to grieve fifteen-hundred years of pain in her arms. When his breathing began to even out, Morgana pulled back and eased him to his feet, though she never released him completely. She kissed the side of his face while helping shrug his jacket off his shoulders, his fingers as he clumsily slipped off his boots, his lips before she crawled into bed, with her warlock close behind. They lay facing each other, legs entangled, fingers intertwined. It was quiet for a long time, but it was not a heavy, painful quiet. It was comfortable and warm, filled with shuffling sheets and wind battering the castle and two sets of soft, soft breath. Morgana didn’t realize Merlin’s eyelids had closed until they fluttered open at the sound of his name. 

“Yeah?” he whispered back.

“Death can’t come between us. At least, not in the way it could before.” Merlin considered her words. It was true, of course, a sword forged in dragon’s breath was all that could come between them, and of the small number that existed, all were within the walls of the castle, guarded. 

“I killed you once.”

“But now I’m here.”

“And I will protect you with my life,” he said, voice still soft. There was such intensity to his words, however, that Morgana couldn’t help but believe him with every inch of her being.

“As will I,” she replied. 

When Merlin kissed her, his pain still hung heavy on his lips, but it was mingled with the taste of lingering innocence. She was kissing a man who had loved and lost more times than she could dare to imagine, and yet a youthful eagerness to love still remained. She was breathless when he pulled away.

“Whatever happens, Merlin, I will not leave your side. Even if a thousand years pass and we don’t love each other the way we do now.”

“I’ll still love you a thousand years from now,” Merlin murmured.

“Then I will live to see that day. We will together.”

“You mean it?”

“More than I’ve meant anything.” And it was true. At that moment, Morgana felt so much love, so much  _ care _ for Merlin bursting in her chest, and she couldn’t imagine it ever fading.

Then finally, for the first time that evening, Merlin smiled at her, and she swore she loved him even more.


End file.
